Day 3

Day three and I woke up early feeling a lot of anxiety.

For years I have had a couple of glasses a wine or a drink a day. Eventually that became 3 glasses and even a bottle. Many days I would tell myself that I wasn’t going to have a drink only to decide it was okay by evening, thinking “I’m not that bad.” Most people I know drink on a regular basis and it seems so acceptable. But, I couldn’t seem to stop drinking daily. Then I would decide to only have one drink or to think that I would only drink on weekends. This didn’t work for me either. By the end of the day my resolve was gone, and I wouldn’t be happy with just one glass of wine. Also, I didn’t want anyone to know that I was drinking every day, so I would find myself frequently drinking alone. My husband gets up very early and goes to bed very early because of his work schedule. So I would wait for him to go to bed. I was so ashamed that I would hide the empty bottles until recycle day, then stuff the bottles in the recycle bin after my husband left for work. I would stop at the store for more, alternating which stores that I went to because I was embarrassed about buying wine every day. I would never buy too much at one time. Then I would sneak the bottle in the house and put it in my hiding place. If I didn’t have any wine, I would sneakily make drinks from my husband’s favorite bourbon and alternate liquor stores to buy more to replace it before he realized that I drank all of his. He doesn’t drink much at all and is happy with one drink so I usually got by with drinking his without his realizing. If he did mention having a drink, I would hurriedly make it for him before he could look at the bottle and see how much was gone. If I went to a gathering where drinks were served, I would drink moderately only to drink more at home afterward.

As I read over what I wrote, I feel rather stupid for thinking moderation would work for me.

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6 thoughts on “Day 3”

  1. My eyes just teared up! This is exactly how I have been for years. Alternating stores, hiding wine, and getting into my husbands whiskey. I’m currently on day 3 of my own journey that I’ve started over a dozen times. Thank you so much for your post, I know I’m not alone. I just started my blog over that I had last year. I couldn’t stand to go back and read how much pain I was in so I copied the blogs off and deleted them. Now I wish I hadn’t. With starting my blog over I was looking for others that share my experiences and I could not have read a more mirror image of my life.

    Thank you!

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    1. You definitely aren’t alone. I tried many times to quit only to give up by the end of the day. Then when I discovered the sober blogging world, it helped so much to realize I am not alone in my struggles. I was finally able to quit drinking, even though it hasn’t been easy.

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  2. I have been drinking oodles of wine for years and years. 2 years ago I stopped for 3 months, but then began again with moderation. Husband and I stopped 2 weeks ago, and I think I was ready this time. Crossing fingers.

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    1. That sounds very similar to my experience. I drank wine for many years with many day one’s. When I finally quit, I tried to moderate and it didn’t work. I was back at square one. But, I will make 100 days in June. You can do it too!

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