Discouraged

I’ve been pretty busy with near graduation activities for my son. Yesterday was the end of lacrosse season banquet, which always honors the Seniors. They put together a beautiful power point set to music of each of the graduates lives from the time they were born until now. All the mom’s made their son a framed collage of pictures playing lacrosse to present to them after the power point. After the team awards, I noticed my son got up and walked out. I assumed that he was going to the restroom. The beautiful power point with all the pictures was shown. I heard comments about each one. The players would guess which player was shown when their baby picture came up. My son’s pictures came up, and I heard his fellow players say his name. It was awesome how it was put together. Finally, I went to the parking lot just to check, and my son’s car was gone. The mom’s got up to present the pictures. The pictures were all in one location and I had to go get the picture that I spent time making for him so that my husband and I could leave. and I told someone that I thought he had left. Then my husband and I just sort of walked out without saying anything more.

This morning, I woke up for work and I’m feeling so sad. This problem with him has been on going. He has walked out on  games if he didn’t feel like he the coach played him enough. Situations at school in the drum line with fellow students that ended in school suspension for him, and resulted in others getting leadership positions that he wanted. ADHD, poor social skills, going to doctors trying to get the right medication, his screaming and carrying on at home over the slightest that any one listening in would see as verbal abuse. The profanity that comes out of his mouth on a daily basis is unbelievable. Anyone would assume that is the way my husband and I must talk at home, but it isn’t. We’ve tried counseling, but he won’t cooperate. He blames his outbursts on my husband and I. This has put a wedge between my husband and I over the years. His band banquet is coming up this weekend. I’m really considering not going. I’m very scared that he isn’t going to be able to stay at college, hold a job, leave home…

I think this is day 57 of sobriety for me. I’ve had days that I knew if I was at home from work, I would get a bottle of wine and just curl up for the day. The only thing that has saved me is reading the blogs, listening to audios while running, getting back to nature as often as possible, keeping my mind off of things by leaving the house, going to bed. I’ve been so tired at night that I can’t think to write anything. I try to stay positive, pray, but I’m very discouraged right now. Sometimes I just want to leave and start a new life somewhere.

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10 thoughts on “Discouraged”

  1. I’m so sorry about your struggles with your son. Thanks for this post and for sharing these things with us! It’s so good that you’re staying away from the wine, which only adds more stress, to anything. Hang in there — I’m sending warm thoughts your way!

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  2. I’m sorry, things will get better. My mid-twenties daughter just recently moved back home, believe me, we have our struggles! I am new to sobriety, 13 days. Today I’m having a pity party for myself, but can’t find a viable reason to go get the bottle of white that I think I want. You’re doing great. Hope I make it as far as you have.

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    1. I’m still hanging in there. Every day something new comes up with my son. Just counting down the days until high school graduation. Somehow, I’m still not drinking. I even watched my husband drink a margarita at dinner tonight, while I drank tea. I was very tempted to take a sip when offered. I’m determined now that drinking will only make matters worse. Thanks for your comment! I can really use all the encouragement I can get. And keep going! You are at 2 weeks today. That’s great!

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  3. I.think I’m at day 78….day one was March 10. Things are calm right now with my son.
    How are you? How are things with your daughter? Share with me some things you are doing to stay sober.

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  4. Found you on Unpickled after Jean encouraged me for support. I want to stop drinking white wine to cover my sadness. Dealing with elderly parents and my Dad has Dementia. Horrible disease. Today is day 1 again. Thank you for your blog.

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    1. Sorry about what you are going through with your dad. my parents are elderly also and aren’t able to do the things they used to. It’s hard now but you will soon feel better dealing with problems without alcohol. I’m usually surprised when someone comments on my post, but it helps me also! There is a lot of support in this blogging community. Keep reaching out.

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