should I stay or should I go

Today is 100 days for me. Yay me! It’s getting easier, but I know from my previous try at moderation that I can easily get back to drinking daily if I try to have one or two glasses of wine occasionally. Even though I feel stronger, its definitely not been easy. I’m so grateful that I found this online community!

I’m a part of a group of friends that get together once a month. Originally the group started to play a game called bunco. We eventually stopped playing bunco, but continued to get together for food, wine and conversation. I have not been to the group since I quit drinking, mainly because the wine flows and I have not wanted to deal with the temptation, or explain why I am not drinking.Tonight is the meetup, and one of my friends is moving. Tonight’s meetup is at a local wine bar. I am trying to decide whether to go to say goodbye to the friend moving, or to gracefully withdraw from the group. I’ve known some of these ladies since my son was in kindergarten. Is the best decision to realize that this was an activity that was a part of my drinking days and let go, or go with the group and “confess” that I am not drinking?

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20 thoughts on “should I stay or should I go”

  1. Do you like the ladies? Are you friends with some of the outside this group?
    If so, I say go. Drive yourself and be very clear when you get there you aren’t drinking. You can decide what to say-driving should be sufficient!

    And then see. You might be surprised at how little done of them drink. And possible how much others do….if you feel at uncomfortable you can leave. But you might actually have fun. Plan to have some delicious snacks.

    I know I often thought everyone was getting drunk all the time. Some were, but many weren’t. I’ve found some great new friendships that way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been to several parties since stopping. Bridal shower with all the Pinot Grigio and champagne you could want, but they also had iced tea at every table! I enjoyed the food much more than I would have if I’d been drinking! The cake was absolutely delicous, which I would have passed on in order to drink more champagne! My family has had several occasions too, most people drinking, I brink along a couple of my new fav drinks. They have the most delicious fancy sodas out now! Actually at every event there has been at least one woman that was embarrassingly drunk. I’m thrilled it wasn’t me. Go and have a good time! If things start getting to you, leave, I will admit when people started getting plowed, I went home. Good luck! I will tell you, at the bridal shower I was offered drinks 2 times, I just said “I’m good” no one seemed to care. Some people in my family have asked why I didn’t want any wine, I simply said,” stomach issues”, that was that! Congrats on your 100 days! That is huge! I think I’m at 41? I just wish I could sleep at night!!!!!

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    1. Aaah, I have not met a lot of people in the sober blogosphere that have/had trouble sleeping. Everybody is mentioning improved sleep immediately but I slept bad too. Do you not fall asleep or or wake up again?

      I believe it only changed at aroung 6 or 7 months. I used to sleep very light. I would fall asleep within 2 minutes, litterally but then wake up 10 times a night. My sleeping improved after quitting my bloodpressure medicine – that had bad sleep as a side effect (VERY good for high bloodpressure… NOT!). And I used some homepathic stuff, in this case Schuessler cell salts – I think they worked. Now I sleep so tight that I wake up stiff because I have not rolled over. 🙂

      Hope it will change for you soon.

      xx, Feeling

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      1. I can’t fall asleep! Tried melatonin, sleepytime tea, it seems my mind goes 100 miles an hour! I think I’m very anxiety ridden! I have never heard of cell salts, I’ll google! Last night I tossed and turned till 3 am!

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      2. 😦 Shit. Well, here’s a list of things I would try:
        – If you have a partner ask him/her to stroke your head like you are a baby
        – No coffee or black or green tea of course
        – From the Bach remedies (naturopathic stuff) there are a few for slowing thoughts down, depending on the cause.
        http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/remedies.htm
        When you say your thoughts run like crazy my first thought would be ‘White Chestnut’ (http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/38/whiteche.htm)
        Bach remedies are about 10 dollars a flask, thing is they are stored in alcohol. That does not bother me, I get 3-5 drops on a liter water, mix well, take a glass, drink a few sips, add up with water and continue like that till it feels like something’s changing. It is like wearing clothing: you take your favorite bach remedie as much and as often as you feel like it. When you start to forget it is mainly so that the complaint is also gone.
        – warm milk?
        – meditation?

        It might take some time to see what helps for you. Sleeping is sooooo nice! I am so happy that I do sleep ok now. Pfffff, the weight that has been taken off my shoulders with that. The running thoughts are one of the things that got me deeply into addiction years ago. Way too much stress. :-/

        Hope to hear from you how you are doing. Succes, hope you find something.

        xx, Feeling

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    2. Thank you! Congrats to you on 41! I’m going to go tonight and I’ll let you know how it goes. On the sleeping, I have finally started sleeping better. But, I don’t go a night without waking a couple of times. I’ve started being able to go back to sleep more easily.

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      1. No really I love it that you guys were talking about the sleep issue! Sometimes I just can’t go back to sleep, although I can fall asleep fast. It has gotten better though.
        Well, I am going to run out to my get together. I’ll let you know how it went.

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  3. Congrats on your day 100! 🙂 That is wonderful. Great!

    Some info that might be helpful in your decission:

    It could just be…. that there are more people in the group that actually want to take it easy, but they could just not be mentioning it. You don’t know…. What about ‘I’m doing this challenge and I want to make it to day 200?

    It seems to be more difficult to stop a second time around. Somehow the pink clouds are less.

    If somehow you think that drinking is a good idea, make sure you pay attention to what it does to you. From what I have read online when people start drinking again the urge seems to be to ‘fill up’ as usual but your body cannot stomach that anymore.

    Whatever way around I wish you a decision you feel comfortable with today and tomorrow and a lovely evening what so ever. 🙂

    xx, Feeling.

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    1. Thank you. I am going tonight. I have to get out there and do this! This is a great group of ladies and I’m sure they won’t think anything. All the comments have helped. I feel like I’m going with a a lot of support behind me.:-)

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  4. You should go. For sure. You seem very confident in your sobriety and one of the things that really makes me bristle at this whole process is the idea of alienating people and losing friends. I refuse to accept that as a possibility (unless of course they are those kinds of friends who aren’t really friends in the first place, just bad influences). Go, drink sparkling water, a virgin margarita, whatever specialty muddled lemonade the bars are serving these days, something nice, you can be “out” or just say “no, not today” if/when they ask “are you NOT drinking?!” maybe you’ll set a trend or find that others are eager to confess that they should stop drinking so much too.

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    1. It was a good evening. I’m glad I went to see my friend before she moves. I sat by her so we had a good chance to talk. Only the person hosting the evening asked me a couple of times if I was sure I didn’t want a glass of wine. No one else at the table said anything. I had to tell the waiter about three times and he finally removed any extra wine glasses. I felt awkward a couple of short times, but the conversation was great and I got over it.

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